How to Pet Your Dog
or Mindfulness for Dog Fans
Pants is a ballistic missile (poorly) disguised as an animal. She drops toys at our feet at about 6:30 AM and thinks 10:00 PM is a good time to run laps. She is currently chewing on my fingers, making it very hard to type. She’s given me a fat lip twice trying to say hi, and the only reason I haven’t gotten a black eye from play time is because I have very resilient blood vessels. But if I can get her to sit still for a moment, she might – might – let me scratch the back of her head. This is where her snooze button is hidden.
Do you ever try to pet your pup so softly and gently that it lulls them to sleep? Petting Pants to sleep is one of the most mindful and soothing things I can think of. But I can’t just scratch her. I have to pet her sloooow and steady, paying attention to weight and pressure, velocity and consistency, or else her white walker eye will snap open and she’ll play-bow my face.
It helps if I add soothing talk, like a low murmur of, “You’re such a good girl. You’re so sleepy, yes you are. You’re not a monster at all, you’re just my cute little chaos muffin.” As I watch her eyes slowly droop, my own heart rate slows. My attention is on her – there’s no space for my busy mind to crowd in and carry me off. There’s only me and Pants, slowing down intentionally with nowhere to be.
Mindfulness can feel intimidating. It feels like this advanced skill you have to practice for thousands of hours (ideally on a mountaintop) before you can actually be good at it. But petting your pup isn’t intimidating. It’s not something you have to worry about doing right or wrong. It’s probably in your top five hobbies. I bet you pet your dog to avoid all that other stuff you don’t want to do.
So try this:
Find a spot that both you and your best friend (a dog) can get comfortable in. You may have to catch this moment when it comes available; I don’t know about your dog, but Pants doesn’t really do “still.” We practice mindfulness on her timeline.
Once you and your precious cinnamon roll are cozy, start petting her softly. Try to pace your breath with each stroke.
Now, notice how your dog’s breath changes. Is it a little slower? Does he sigh, or maybe give you a contented little groan? Try slowing your hand with each pet, and match the rhythm of your breathing to it. Now, slow it a little more.
Notice what your pup’s fur feels like on your palm: soft or coarse, wiry, bristly, or silken. Consider how the light catches his fur, and notice all the different colors in his coat. Watch his eyes grow heavy, and the full weight of his body relax on or beside you. Notice his little paws twitch and nose wiggling as he settles into sleep.
Tell your pup what a good girl she is and how much you love her, and try to direct those words to yourself as well. I am good. I am deserving of love.
There’s no hurry on this practice. Stay with it until your dog has closed his eyes and even after – once you stop, his eyes will open and the spell will be broken. Stay with this moment, the slow, soothing sensation of petting your pup, connecting with him and making him feel safe and calm. Let yourself feel safe and calm too, for as long as you need.
When you feel ready, take a deep breath, noticing both what that feels like for you, and also how your dog responds to the changes in your breath. Give her one more scratch and a kiss, tell her you love her, and extend that same love to yourself to close the practice.