Our Mail Carrier is not a Lion

or What to Do in Fight or Flight

Pants hates the mail carrier. And not just our mail carrier - any mail carrier. I’ve taken Pants on walks in neighborhoods several miles from our house, which means that person with blue shorts and a silly hat is definitely not my person with blue shorts and a silly hat. And yet Pants despises them.

First of all, can we just acknowledge how smart my little muffin is? She recognizes the uniform in a totally different setting, and identifies the intruder. So smart. (She also just fell off the couch because she lost her balance while biting her butt, so.)

I AM A GIFT

A lot of dogs hate delivery people, probably because the dog’s perceived job is to protect their space from intruders, and these dratted delivery people keep waltzing up to the porch like they own the place! So when Pants sees the mail carrier, she goes into fight or flight, which is the brain’s and body’s automatic crisis response system that helps keep her alive.

Let’s say you’re chilling in your living room, reading the last Game of Thrones book, and a lion walks in. Without you making any conscious decisions whatsoever, your brain instantly turns your body into a fighting or running machine.

NOPE. (Jack Charles/Unsplash)

Your breathing becomes faster and shallower, dumping huge doses of oxygen into your bloodstream in preparation for the work of running away from the lion or punching it in the face.

Your heart rate and blood pressure kick up, moving blood into the parts of your body that need it most in order to fight or run away, including lungs, heart, and muscles. Which means your blood moves away from its typical hangouts, like your digestive system. It does this because you instinctively know it’s more important to keep from being someone else’s lunch than it is to finish your own lunch. Priorities. So your digestive tract shuts down, which is why a lot of people experience stomach upset, nausea, the need to use the bathroom, or cramping when they get stressed or anxious.

You also start sweating, shaking, shivering, or feeling too hot or too cold. Your body is trying to regulate your temperature for new conditions, which it assumes will involve getting overheated from throwing down with a lion.

Lots of other things happen too, like vision changes, tingling, and dry mouth, none of which feel very helpful for fighting a lion, I’m just going to say. Thanks, brain! But they’re all part of your body’s process of making you stronger, faster, and more efficient at survival.

Which is great if a lion waltzes into your living room on a Wednesday morning, but the mail carrier is not a lion. Delivery people pose no real threat to Pants, just like a lot of your stressors don’t pose a real threat to your life.

Your brain…does not care. Someone cuts you off in traffic? Lion. Your boss called you into their office and you don’t know why? Lion. That one family member just texted? Lion!

Maybe you’ve tried to tell that part of your brain to calm down or shut up, that it’s being stupid or overreacting. But your fight or flight is a freight train full of feelings, and it doesn’t typically stop because you commanded it to. Which is where our frenemy Stew comes in.

If you’re just joining us at Dog Lover’s Guide, you might not have met Stew yet. Lucky you! Stew is our resident disaster.

I love you. (Kanashi/Unsplash)

Stew is your fight or flight. When you get cut off in traffic, he’s that mangy little dog in your passenger seat that throws himself at the window in a slathering rage. He’s the one shivering in the corner at your birthday party even though literally everyone there loves you both. He tries to help, but he’s bad at it, barking at things that aren’t a threat and running from safe things. He has no idea what he’s doing because he is very small and the world is very big. Stew is scared all the time, and sometimes that looks like Rabid McAggrodog, and sometimes it looks like Stew burrowing himself in your armpit, clinging to you like you’re the last floating door off the Titanic.  

So when your fight or flight comes up, think of it like Stew. When that person cuts you off and Stew is trying to take the wheel (you don’t have thumbs, Stew!), are you going to let him? This is not going to work out for you; he doesn’t have a driver’s license. Are you going to yell at him to stop? I can say from experience that yelling at your feelings doesn’t make them stop. How about not thinking about what he’s doing? Well, now he’s climbed under the brake pedal and won’t come out, so good luck stopping the car!

She’s as concerned as you are.

What if, instead, you comfort your fight or flight? Tell your inner Stew that it’s okay, you’re not in a life-threatening situation. Remind him that you’re in charge, you don’t need him to protect you, and you’ve got it handled. Pat the passenger seat and invite him to sit there – not under the brake pedal.

It’s okay if Stew is there in the car with you, but he’s not driving. You are.