Thanks for this. We lost our little Coco Bean 3 weeks ago. Congestive heart failure, nothing the vet could do. A week later, an ultrasound confirmed that our sweet Shermie has cancer. We are going to lose him, too. We don't know how soon. It's awful but also beautiful to embrace every minute we have with these furry angels who live in our houses and steal our socks and take over more than their share of the bed.
Oh god, Brianne, I’m so very sorry. Yes yes yes to everything you said about savoring every moment. You and Shermie are on my mind. I hope his passing is easy. I hope for peace for you and your family.
Thank you. So far he is happy and eating and wagging his tail and taking (shorter) walks. We are grateful for all of it and hoping he feels as well as he can for as long as he can.
Beautifully said, I've been experiencing ambigious grief the last few years w a parent w dementia. It's the same heart wrenching grief, though now I understand what it is and the process is more tolerable.
Thank you so much for this, Chloe. We've lost two dogs in recent months. Nico in March - he would've been 17 in June, so we saw it coming, but it still seems so strange not to see him around the house. And Remy in October - he wasn't even 3, but had some sort of degenerative neurological disease (we received no specific diagnosis as there is no treatment/cure for any of the possibilities). No matter how much time we have with them, it's never enough, but the time we get is always worth it!
Yeah, I think I felt a modicum more of peace with Sam because we got the full three years the cardiologist told us we could get with him, and we knew it was coming. But with Brie it was so early and so sudden. I find it hard to even write about her on DLG, to be honest. My love to you and your family as your grieve.
Oh no, I'm so sorry. It's never easy, but I think in your situation particularly, it's a lasting and distressing grief. I wish for you peace for you and your family.
Kristin, Every dog lover will relate to your story. I have loved many dogs and thus have lost many dogs; each dog and each death is unique. A house with no dog is not a home to me, and I never forget a dog. They live on in my memories and in my heart. I wish you the very best with your new dog. 💕🐾
Thank you for this. I am living this. In February we released Callie from her body, at almost 18 years wise. In April we unexpectedly had to release MacGyver, just 10 years, due to inflammatory bowel disease that came on suddenly and didn’t respond to any treatment. This is the first I’ve been able to even type it or share – so thank you for this piece.
Chloe....I always look forward to your wisdom, openness, honesty, and truth in your posts. This is another example of words expressing thoughts and feelings that resonate with other's personal experiences. Thank you.
We just rushed Jace to the animal emergency yesterday. It turned out that he likely has something nicknamed Old Dog Vestibular Disease. It looked like a stroke and, given that he is 13, I assumed the worst. I sobbed like a fool in the waiting room-- before I knew what happened and after when the vet said it could actually be a benign issue. Although, every reminder that he is old or a senior makes me tense up with what I imagine is my resistance to the grief I already feel.
I want to thank you for writing about your grief. I can act like a psychologist all day talking about disenfranchised grief, but there is a loneliness that comes with grieving a beloved pet. So thank you for being someone who understands. I feel a bit more courageous about managing the grief-- now and later. :)
I saw you posted a picture of Jace the other day and I was so delighted to see him! Such a sweet pup! I resonate so deeply with your experience at the vet. I felt that so many times with Sammy and Brie, and then with Pants when she had heartworm. We're always tensing up for that loss we also pretend doesn't exist. I am so, so grateful Jace is okay!
With my psychologist hat on, I know exactly how to help people navigate through the waters of grief. But when I myself am in the waters, I flounder. I suppose we all do.
I steeled myself and read. I lost my Sheltie (our third) to cancer last December. He was 10 and we were supposed to have many years together after the passing of our Aussie who was 16 and sundowning. He did leave us in March. First time our home has been without a dog in 45 years. Because of our ages, 74 and 66, we don't feel it's the responsible thing to take on another we will very possibly not outlive. So far, taking on the challenges of adopting an older dog has not felt right either so we dote on our cats, and I look at puppies online, and try to accept that another Sheltie may be too much to ask. I wish you all the best in your grief journey.❤️🩹
Hi Dee, i relate to what you have written. I am 78. If my dog outlives me, I am planning to foster. I don’t want to be without a dog, and by doing this I can help another dog. Good luck with your dogs!
I'm so sorry. I have tears in my eyes for you and your husband. Losing both of them so close together, like I did, is truly unbearable.
It's so hard to decide when or whether to adopt again. I hope for ongoing discernment and peace in whatever decision you make. I'm certain it will be the right one for you.
Indulging in love and happiness always comes with loss, yet so few people talk openly about it. Our culture hides from pain as if it doesn't or won't exist. Thank you for sharing your stories of loss and the tsunami of emotions that ensued. Their real, but so is the love you have and will continue to give.
Yes, I think our culture has no place for grief. We pretend it's not coming, and then when it does come, we don't know how to talk about it. We rush ourselves and others through it, unable to tolerate the fact that grief is not a problem you solve. It's something you sit with, and slowly learn to live with.
A poignant and beautiful post on grief -- and ironically joy, too. Thank you for reminding us that love is not a zero-sum equation. Our hearts are so resilient and expansive.
Thanks for this. We lost our little Coco Bean 3 weeks ago. Congestive heart failure, nothing the vet could do. A week later, an ultrasound confirmed that our sweet Shermie has cancer. We are going to lose him, too. We don't know how soon. It's awful but also beautiful to embrace every minute we have with these furry angels who live in our houses and steal our socks and take over more than their share of the bed.
Oh god, Brianne, I’m so very sorry. Yes yes yes to everything you said about savoring every moment. You and Shermie are on my mind. I hope his passing is easy. I hope for peace for you and your family.
Thank you. So far he is happy and eating and wagging his tail and taking (shorter) walks. We are grateful for all of it and hoping he feels as well as he can for as long as he can.
Beautifully said, I've been experiencing ambigious grief the last few years w a parent w dementia. It's the same heart wrenching grief, though now I understand what it is and the process is more tolerable.
Having a parent with dementia is such a complicated grieving process. In a way, you lose them twice. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
Thank you so much for this, Chloe. We've lost two dogs in recent months. Nico in March - he would've been 17 in June, so we saw it coming, but it still seems so strange not to see him around the house. And Remy in October - he wasn't even 3, but had some sort of degenerative neurological disease (we received no specific diagnosis as there is no treatment/cure for any of the possibilities). No matter how much time we have with them, it's never enough, but the time we get is always worth it!
Yeah, I think I felt a modicum more of peace with Sam because we got the full three years the cardiologist told us we could get with him, and we knew it was coming. But with Brie it was so early and so sudden. I find it hard to even write about her on DLG, to be honest. My love to you and your family as your grieve.
Sooo worth it.
Our last dog to pass away (a few years ago) did so in a pretty violent and traumatic way. I still can’t talk about her without getting choked up.
Oh no, I'm so sorry. It's never easy, but I think in your situation particularly, it's a lasting and distressing grief. I wish for you peace for you and your family.
Thanks Chloe
Kristin, Every dog lover will relate to your story. I have loved many dogs and thus have lost many dogs; each dog and each death is unique. A house with no dog is not a home to me, and I never forget a dog. They live on in my memories and in my heart. I wish you the very best with your new dog. 💕🐾
Thank you for this. I am living this. In February we released Callie from her body, at almost 18 years wise. In April we unexpectedly had to release MacGyver, just 10 years, due to inflammatory bowel disease that came on suddenly and didn’t respond to any treatment. This is the first I’ve been able to even type it or share – so thank you for this piece.
Oh Kristin, that's devastating. I hope this article brings some kind of meaning or solace to your grief. My heart is with you.
Thank you ❤️
Our beloved dogs do not pass away, they curl up in our hearts and go to sleep.
Perfect!
That’s a beautiful perspective, thank you for sharing.
Chloe....I always look forward to your wisdom, openness, honesty, and truth in your posts. This is another example of words expressing thoughts and feelings that resonate with other's personal experiences. Thank you.
Thank you, Susan. Thanks also for reading, and for being such a lovely auntie to Pants. You would have loved Sam and Brie!
We just rushed Jace to the animal emergency yesterday. It turned out that he likely has something nicknamed Old Dog Vestibular Disease. It looked like a stroke and, given that he is 13, I assumed the worst. I sobbed like a fool in the waiting room-- before I knew what happened and after when the vet said it could actually be a benign issue. Although, every reminder that he is old or a senior makes me tense up with what I imagine is my resistance to the grief I already feel.
I want to thank you for writing about your grief. I can act like a psychologist all day talking about disenfranchised grief, but there is a loneliness that comes with grieving a beloved pet. So thank you for being someone who understands. I feel a bit more courageous about managing the grief-- now and later. :)
People who cannot understand the grief of losing their dog are missing a chip. And a great deal more.
I saw you posted a picture of Jace the other day and I was so delighted to see him! Such a sweet pup! I resonate so deeply with your experience at the vet. I felt that so many times with Sammy and Brie, and then with Pants when she had heartworm. We're always tensing up for that loss we also pretend doesn't exist. I am so, so grateful Jace is okay!
With my psychologist hat on, I know exactly how to help people navigate through the waters of grief. But when I myself am in the waters, I flounder. I suppose we all do.
I appreciate you and hope you have all kinds of peace as your navigate your grief!!!
I took a break from writing on this very theme to read your tender, insightful post. Thank you.
Thank you for reading. I was thinking of you and Casey as I wrote this, too.
I steeled myself and read. I lost my Sheltie (our third) to cancer last December. He was 10 and we were supposed to have many years together after the passing of our Aussie who was 16 and sundowning. He did leave us in March. First time our home has been without a dog in 45 years. Because of our ages, 74 and 66, we don't feel it's the responsible thing to take on another we will very possibly not outlive. So far, taking on the challenges of adopting an older dog has not felt right either so we dote on our cats, and I look at puppies online, and try to accept that another Sheltie may be too much to ask. I wish you all the best in your grief journey.❤️🩹
Hi Dee, i relate to what you have written. I am 78. If my dog outlives me, I am planning to foster. I don’t want to be without a dog, and by doing this I can help another dog. Good luck with your dogs!
I'm so sorry. I have tears in my eyes for you and your husband. Losing both of them so close together, like I did, is truly unbearable.
It's so hard to decide when or whether to adopt again. I hope for ongoing discernment and peace in whatever decision you make. I'm certain it will be the right one for you.
https://substack.com/@hillbillyhaiku/note/c-81449465?r=dwxbe
Oh, what a beautiful boy.
Indulging in love and happiness always comes with loss, yet so few people talk openly about it. Our culture hides from pain as if it doesn't or won't exist. Thank you for sharing your stories of loss and the tsunami of emotions that ensued. Their real, but so is the love you have and will continue to give.
Yes, I think our culture has no place for grief. We pretend it's not coming, and then when it does come, we don't know how to talk about it. We rush ourselves and others through it, unable to tolerate the fact that grief is not a problem you solve. It's something you sit with, and slowly learn to live with.
A poignant and beautiful post on grief -- and ironically joy, too. Thank you for reminding us that love is not a zero-sum equation. Our hearts are so resilient and expansive.
Thank you so much for reading, Kaarin. And as always, thank you for your sharp eye and wisdom in editing it before it saw the light of Substack.