Play!
Don't Exercise.
As I mentioned in What Now -Revisited, I’m reprinting some classic Dog Lover’s Guide articles about self-care through the end of January. I hope they help you find your center, but don’t stop there. Find your center, and use that balance and groundedness to steady someone else. Take care of each other. Be brave.
With love,
Pants and Chloe
Watching Pants run is pure joy. She’s a dog in flight, her body a song, as she races over beach or field or park. In those moments, she’s more herself than any other time, fully inhabiting and exerting everything her wild body can do.
When I was a kid, I ran like that. I was the fastest person in my class, faster even than the most athletic boys in PE. I’d pretend I was a lioness on the Savannah, chasing down gazelle or defending my territory from hyenas. Running was as close as I could get to flying, and when I ran, it felt like freedom.
And then something changed. Maybe it was puberty or self-esteem, maybe it was the messages so many girls get about how to behave, the judgment on athleticism and freedom. I was teased in PE. I gained weight, felt self-conscious and ashamed. By high school, PE induced panic. I hated the exposure of the locker room, the embarrassment of being picked last, and the ridicule from teammates when I didn’t perform in volleyball or lacrosse. (I SLAYED at dodgeball, though. Don’t ask me why – sublimated rage, maybe?)
One of the most effective strategies for feeling better is exercise. Your doctor will tell you this. Your therapist will tell you this. The Internet will also tell you this. But many people don’t want to exercise because they’ve felt like me at one point or another in their lives: self-conscious, uncomfortable, or ashamed in the face of exercise. If the thing you’re supposed to do to feel better makes you feel worse, what are you supposed to do?
Be like Pants.
Pants doesn’t exercise. She plays, exuberantly and without restraint. At the dog park, she barks in other dogs’ faces or bites their butts until they chase her (don’t do that). At home, she brings every toy to our feet when we’re working.
She wrestles with her squeaky seal. She hits herself in the face with her knotted rope. She play-bows at us from across the house if we accidentally make eye contact. Every act of movement is joyful and unbridled (also sometimes unhinged), and all of it is necessary for her mental and physical health.
So how can you be more like Pants?
Figure out what feels fun to you. In college, after years of acting allergic to exercise, I discovered that I loved hiking, creek walking, and sledding. I interpretive danced to Disney songs with my roommates so much that we got complaints from the people below us. In graduate school, I discovered the pleasure of feeling strong when I lifted weights. I rediscovered how much cycling can feel like flying. I got a dodgeball-like rush when I took a Muay Thai class. One very hard year, I made it through each day by knowing I could run it out at the gym at 5:00.
Somewhere along the way, I internalized the idea that I had to exercise because I wasn’t healthy enough, wasn’t good enough, and had to suffer to be worthy.
That’s not how Pants thinks. When she sees a stretch of beach, she doesn’t wag her tail – she wags her whole body. She whines the entire half hour drive to her favorite dog park. And yodels. Let’s not forget the yodeling.
So what makes you want to yodel with joy? Go do that. If you don’t know yet, try some things – yoga or ping pong, hiking or archery. I can recommend dodgeball. Take a friend. It’s so much easier to play with a friend. Share your favorite play activities in the comments below. And whatever you do, don’t call it exercise.
It’s play.
It was pure joy to read this. You are so correct.