This is beautiful: "Sitting with someone in their suffering is also hard because it means you’re suffering too, which is why compassion is such a selfless act. You choose to put aside your own need to be helpful, to solve the problem, to make you both feel better. Instead, you choose to give space to what the other person is feeling." What's more loving than putting someone else's needs before your own?
I remember sitting with a friend whose husband had died. He’d been gone six months and she was being told it was time to start dating. She was crying. I didn’t look away. It felt like nothing but was the best thing I could do, and more meaningful to her than anything I might have said.
I’m so thankful she had you in that moment, to give her the space to feel what she was feeling authentically, without pressure or expectation. It’s so true, it feels like nothing because we are a “doing” culture, but it truly is a powerful, revolutionary thing to simply sit with someone in their pain.
We do. My cat is already under the bed. I’m right with the comments from Holly Cook as I’m also a retired pet sitter and veterinary nurse. There is much that can be done to protect and prepare for fireworks with our animals, but as you mentioned, it also doesn’t always have the needed effect.
Thank you. I think fireworks should be illegal. I’m aware this is an extreme position. These are extreme times and I seriously don’t care what others think about my views.
What a beautiful comparison. As someone with an anxious but also very intuitive dog, I've been on both sides of the fence. She rescues me as much as I do her.
I admit that I could work on my compassion with humans a little more.
I feel the same way about my pups - they're my centering space, my ground, and maybe part of that is because they don't say anything! And yes, compassion with other humans is what I would call a practice rather than a goal. Always moving towards but never perfecting.
I love your article about compassion. So many people try to fix when you want to be heard and understood. The 4th is so hard for many pups. Our dog used to hide in our bath tub. It's a helpless feeling. The worst part is July 4th fireworks are never one night here. We had neighbors that used to randomly shoot off m80s all hours 😡. Thankfully they moved and police were involved finally
It wasn't easy, that's for sure. But I did my best. Fans, TV, anit-anxiety meds if the parents were astute enough to get some....sometimes I had to sit in a closet or behind a water heater with a frantic dog. It makes me really sad that dogs go through this and no one really thinks about it.
I hate fireworks for this very reason. As a retired pet sitter, I used to spend my 4th of July (and sometimes days beyond) consoling clients frightened dogs. I suffered great stress from this. I'm now a retired pet sitter but I still sit in a closet on the 4th of July as memories so frightened dogs pop up in my head. Did I mention I hate fireworks? I feel for your little dog. (And you, as you try to comfort him). You are not alone trying to comfort your dog. There are many, many people in the same boat.
That sounds terrible! It’s even harder to comfort an animal who is also missing her family! What a hard place to be in, but I’m thankful those pets had you with them.
This is beautiful: "Sitting with someone in their suffering is also hard because it means you’re suffering too, which is why compassion is such a selfless act. You choose to put aside your own need to be helpful, to solve the problem, to make you both feel better. Instead, you choose to give space to what the other person is feeling." What's more loving than putting someone else's needs before your own?
I think what you wrote here has a lot of points of connection with a newsletter I published a while back. I'd love for you to give it a read if you're interested: https://notjustmyown.substack.com/p/how-i-learned-to-stop-judging-and
What a wonderful way to help people understand what compassion is and how it is best delivered. Perfect!
Thank you so much!
I remember sitting with a friend whose husband had died. He’d been gone six months and she was being told it was time to start dating. She was crying. I didn’t look away. It felt like nothing but was the best thing I could do, and more meaningful to her than anything I might have said.
I’m so thankful she had you in that moment, to give her the space to feel what she was feeling authentically, without pressure or expectation. It’s so true, it feels like nothing because we are a “doing” culture, but it truly is a powerful, revolutionary thing to simply sit with someone in their pain.
And so very hard.
Beautiful article on compassion and thank you for writing about animals suffering from fireworks.
We put our hearts in these creatures, don’t we? ❤️
We do. My cat is already under the bed. I’m right with the comments from Holly Cook as I’m also a retired pet sitter and veterinary nurse. There is much that can be done to protect and prepare for fireworks with our animals, but as you mentioned, it also doesn’t always have the needed effect.
Thank you. I think fireworks should be illegal. I’m aware this is an extreme position. These are extreme times and I seriously don’t care what others think about my views.
There certainly are a lot of dangers of fireworks, for people, animals, and fire!
What a beautiful comparison. As someone with an anxious but also very intuitive dog, I've been on both sides of the fence. She rescues me as much as I do her.
I admit that I could work on my compassion with humans a little more.
I feel the same way about my pups - they're my centering space, my ground, and maybe part of that is because they don't say anything! And yes, compassion with other humans is what I would call a practice rather than a goal. Always moving towards but never perfecting.
I love your article about compassion. So many people try to fix when you want to be heard and understood. The 4th is so hard for many pups. Our dog used to hide in our bath tub. It's a helpless feeling. The worst part is July 4th fireworks are never one night here. We had neighbors that used to randomly shoot off m80s all hours 😡. Thankfully they moved and police were involved finally
Yikes! That sounds scary, so glad they moved. Thank you for reading and commenting, I really appreciate it!
It wasn't easy, that's for sure. But I did my best. Fans, TV, anit-anxiety meds if the parents were astute enough to get some....sometimes I had to sit in a closet or behind a water heater with a frantic dog. It makes me really sad that dogs go through this and no one really thinks about it.
You've got me crying in the club, my friend. How gorgeous is true compassion? How wonderfully you captured it.
Thank you!
I hate fireworks for this very reason. As a retired pet sitter, I used to spend my 4th of July (and sometimes days beyond) consoling clients frightened dogs. I suffered great stress from this. I'm now a retired pet sitter but I still sit in a closet on the 4th of July as memories so frightened dogs pop up in my head. Did I mention I hate fireworks? I feel for your little dog. (And you, as you try to comfort him). You are not alone trying to comfort your dog. There are many, many people in the same boat.
That sounds terrible! It’s even harder to comfort an animal who is also missing her family! What a hard place to be in, but I’m thankful those pets had you with them.